Okay, everyone has things they hate about the subway right?  And I'm not talking about the fucking tards behind the counter that put too much mayo on your cold cut trio.

1.  Fucktards who are standing by the door and don't move when people are getting off/getting on.

2.  Morons with baby carriages at rush hour -- come on!!!!!!!  Seriously?!  There are 10 other hours of the day you can come on the train with your minion.  Do you have to pick 5pm?

3.  People who think they have the right to take up two seats.  REALLY?!  I mean...really?!

4.  BACKPACKS.  Either take them off or find a 21st century solution. 

5.  Charity cases.  If you're going to entertain me and bang on some drums...maybe I'll give you a dollar, but if you insist on interrupting my otherwise peaceful commute...find a job like the rest of us. 

6.  Wake the fuck up.  If it's your stop, pay attention.  Get up 30 seconds before and move closer to the door.   Don't wait until the doors are about to close and expect everyone to move out of the way for your retardedness.

7.  If you are lucky enough to have a seat....well, congratulfuckinglations.  But just because you have a seat doesn't give you a right to dangle your fat arm ACROSS your armrest so now I have to stand in an arkward position.

8.  Give pregnant women a break.  I have seen plenty of women with child and MEN do not get up!  WTF!  This actually happened tonight and I gave up my seat for a preggers lady.  You men are dumb.

9.  Also, you men who sit with your legs wide open.  COME ON!!!  REALLY?!  Please...

10.  Tourists.  Before you get on a train please have a clue as to where you are going.  It is actually annoying to everyone else when you are at 71st and Continental and ask whether or not the train is going downtown.

bonfire grill
they try way too hard.  we have given this place one too many second chances.  tables are ridiculously small, while plates are ridiculously large.  it takes the food bringer (whatever they're called) 5 minutes to figure out  how to arrange the plates on the table.  they like to add tons of ingredients without adjusting the intensity of any of them.  por ejemplo, we got the pumpkin cheesecake.  it arrived with a whipped cream topping, raspberry fruit glaze, and powdered sugar.  to quote the bf:  it's like these people think, "I can make this C major chord sound better so I'm going to play not only C, E, G but I'm going to add A, B, D and F too."  it's not the case with music and it's not the case with food.  wake up bonfire. 
ladyninjitsu's rating:  C--

moca lounge
i was really excited when this place opened up.  it was going to be similar to jade restaurant but on a smaller scale and hella closer to where i live.  i've only been here a handful of times and my favorite dish so far is the crispy duck.  that was effing awesome.  the soup with the noodles and mini dumplings are also a personal fave.  however, this place is hella expensive.  and that's coming from someone who eats out in the city all the time.  we are still in queens here people.  not the meatpacking district.  we always wind up spending close to $100 every time we eat here.  but perhaps my biggest complaint is the wait staff.  HOLY HELL!  they are on top of you like flies on shit.  every time we've been there it's been fairly empty so you have 5 people watching you eat.  and every time you put your chopsticks down someone comes running over asking if you're done.  the last time i was there the idiot waitress gave us the dessert menu before i was even finished with my meal.  and when she came back to ask what we wanted i kindly said, "i'll let you know when i'm done with my meal".  get a clue moca wait staff.
ladyninjitsu's rating:  B

peking duck forest
i rather get the food delivered.  this place skeeves me out.  they are in desperate need of a restaurant makeover.  food is decent though.  favorite is pan fried noodles.  GET IT!
ladyninjitsu's rating:  B

bangkok cuisine
i love this place because the waitress remembers me and seems always happy to see me.  i like that yo.  i also like the decor.  it's modern without trying too hard.  although they could use a new paint job, especially around the counter.  food is great -- your typical thai-for-whites fare. 
ladyninjitsu's rating: B++

jade
i like this place too.  i definitely feel like i'm in the city whenever i go here.  jimmy is the best waiter.  lollipop chicken apps are to effing die for.  not crazy about the sushi here.  tastes generic.  but the fish entrees are tasty.  even better are their cocktails.  lychee martinis rock.  and the bar area in the back is awesome.  i wish more people knew about it.  i also wish the families who bring their kids here wouldn't act like they're at chucky cheese.
ladyninjitsu's rating: A-

q thai bistro
only been here once.  but it was decent.  the difference was in the quality of the food.  and unlike bonfire, these people understand simplicity.  my only complaint is that they add some variety to the menu.
ladyninjitsu's rating: A-

nick's pizza
i'm glad we have a good brick oven pizza joint in fohi.  the quality of the ingredients stands out.  the restaurant is cozy and makes me feel like i'm part of something whenever i eat there. 
ladyninjitsu's rating: A

thai austin
when i went here a couple years ago i really liked it because it was a place i could go to get decent thai food for cheap ass prices.  once in a while i'd even splurge and get an $18 bottle of wine.  but the past couple of times i've gone the quality of the food was pretty darn gross.  old, tough beef.  gamey chicken.  yuckeroni.
ladyninjitu's rating: C-

bann thai
i saw a cockroach crawling on the wall the last time i was there (about a month ago).  i also feel gross when i sit in those sticky chairs.  nuff said.
ladyninjitsu's rating: D

t-bone diner
i feel dirty when i eat here.  i like to get their grease delivered instead.  plus, you don't have to be around a bunch of annoying, old people.
ladyninjitsu's rating: C+

narita
omfg.  if there is ever a place that needs a major overhaul it is narita.  words can't even describe the utter outdatedness of narita.  i feel like if there was a fancy japanese restaurant in three's company that jack would take his tacky dates to, it would be narita.  nevertheless, the hibachi is delish.  pass on the benihana show.  just order it from the menu.
ladyninjitsu's rating: B

cabana
it's good.  good enough to warrant a huge wait line every time i pass by it??  ehhhh, not so much.  i mean - fine.  it's more than just "good" but it's a place you'd go if you have a lot of time to waste.  since it's always crowded, food takes a while to get out.  plus, waiters always seem confused (and creepy).  not to mention the patrons there are usually a bunch of loud, obnoxious, badly dressed couples celebrating their 2 month anniversary.
ladyninjitsu's rating: B

sante fe steakhouse
why does this place even exist????  if you want chain food, go to tgif's. 
ladyninjitsu's rating: F

cheeburger cheeburger
i love it!  i love all the kitsch.  i love all the toppings.  i get my burger without the cheese so shoot me.  shakes are sooooooo good but depending on the combination it might taste like sour puke.  oh and the dipping sauces...try them all.  creamy jalapeno and chili lime are my favorites. 
ladyninjitsu's rating: A-

la terraza
we are in serious need of a decent italian restaurant.  la terraza, that one on austin st., and the other one on queens blvd. and ascan are pathetic.  i can't even believe people effing eat here.  i could make better italian by heating up my stouffers lasagna in my microwave.  me no like.
ladyninjitsu's rating: F's for all of 'em

damn i eat a lot.  well, that's all for now. 

for fun, i was looking up martial arts schools in forest hills and i found a place called the martial arts studio.   the fancy homepage had a dumb as bricks meathead as the head instructor and owner.  i cringed as images of the karate kid flooded my brain.  i clicked on staff thinking maybe there were some cool looking asian/ninja/samurai/mr. miyagi/naruto dudes who taught at the school.  instead this is what i found...

white, white, white, black, black, white, white, 3 white girls, white, white (meathead owner is third guy standing from left)

how in the world!  what the fuck?  who in god's name?!  ugh.  pathetic.  listen.  according to always-reliable wikipedia:

In popular culture, the term "Martial Arts" often specifically refers to the combat systems that originated in Asian cultures, especially East Asian martial arts.

when you have a so-called martial arts school with NO asian instructors on deck that should set off an alarm. 

ladyninjitsu's rating of martial arts schools with no asian instructors is: D-
(they get some points for having female instructors - but they look wimpy - what's up with the blue belt??  isn't that one level up from a white belt?)

fucking shitty.  just plain bad.  we played for 5 minutes and then took the game out and put it in the oven on broil for 5 hours.



lady ninjitsu gives it negative 4 stars (out of 100)

so i love video games.  i have always loved games ever since i had my first atari (i played a mean combat).  that weird constant static noise that maybe was supposed to be the sound of the tanks got me off.


thus, my favorite genre is shooters.  i love to kill.  i love to blow people's brains out and see blood splatter everywhere.  gears of war is probably my current favorite.  that shit is tight.  however, we just completed rainbow six vegas last night.  we played it because it won all these awards including best first-person shooter.  well, how could we go wrong?!?!  literally, THE best shooter game ever? 



well...i hated it.  the graphics did not even compare to halo or gears of war.  as the bf said - it's like mario world.  when i break glass with my gun i want to see millions of shards fall to the ground, each reflecting the light off my laser.  i don't want to see flat looking triangles piled on top of each other.  when i go into the bathroom to hunt killers i want to be able to flush the toilets and turn on the sinks.  if you're gonna make a game like this, why not just make it for the commodore 64 because you're just wasting the awesomeness of the xbox360.  idiots.

the best part of the game was probably moving up ranks, buying guns, and changing your clothes.  but even that turned out to be annoying because a bunch of crap was still locked even after we finished.  guerilla camo got old after a while. 

the ending was the biggest bowl of bullshit.  basically, you shoot down a helicopter and a bunch of random guys.  THAT'S IT!  the story didn't make sense to me.  you could barely hear the dialogue and from what you could hear, none of it made any sense.  it was repetitive and got boring. 

ladyninjitsu gives it 0.5 stars (out of 5)

(i love google images)

i know i haven't posted in about a decade...but this may very well motivate me to start back up!  and it's $100!!!!!!!!!!  i may have been a sucker when i said i would NEVER wear skinny jeans, but you must be fucking kidding me. 

i was supposed to be spending my entire day focused on writing a questionnaire but it's almost noon which means almost lunch which means i'll be spending the rest of the afternoon cramming to finish (start) this questionnaire.

anyhow!  one of my new favorite foods are the steamed pork juice buns from john's shanghai.  these little packets of heaven are basically steamed dough wrapper things that are filled with marinated ground pork.  when you bite into these suckers hot pork juice pours out and scalds your tongue.  it's a sadomasochistic dining experience that you want to revisit again and again.  i should write for zagats.



so yeah, jamaica was awesome.  when you're on a beach vacation you are basically in a walking coma.  my mind goes completely dead and i just go into auto-pilot to eat, drink, and have a blasterific time.  and i guess it's true what they say about not wandering outside the resort.  it's a bit sketchy.  and by sketchy i mean scary (and sad) as hell.  there were communities of shacks.  literal shacks.  shacks that sort of resembled what you put together as a kid in the living room with empty boxes and broomsticks.  so that's that.

i hate walking across broadway on matinee wednesday (or any day).  when a tourist walks in the city, it seems their internal radar is fixed so that they walk right INTO you.  seriously.  when i walk, i walk in a straight line.  when a tourist walks they seem to want to walk directly onto the path you are already on and then a split second before they are about to crash into you, do they realize they need to get the fuck off your path.  anyway, that's all.  i hate tourists.

this is the email i sent to expedia today.  i don't know how i managed to NOT put them on hold in order to track down their customer service department so i could physically show up there with ninja stars and a fire axe.  and don't you hate when you call customer service and the robot asks you to input your hundred digit account number and then when you speak to an operator they AGAIN ask for your hundred digit account number?  why the fuck do they do this?  why the fuck are you asking me again when i just told mr. roboto what it was??? 

I want to officially file a complaint against your package specialist department.  This is in regards to Case # 4268xxxx.

Yesterday I placed a call to Expedia to find out options on changing an existing itinerary to a different date.  The first person I spoke to told me I would be penalized $150/pp for changing the flight and asked me if I wanted to move forward with changing the dates.  I said I wanted to go ahead with the changes and he put me on hold.  After a while I noticed I wasn't on hold and I was disconnected.

I called back and got another customer service operator.  He told me there was no record of the call I just had and I had to explain what my issue was all over again.  He was not well-trained on the system and at one point placed me on hold for more than half an hour so he could find out how much the penalties would be.  Finally he came back on the line and told me the airfare penalty was $200/pp.  When I asked him why the other operator told me $150 he said verbatim "I guess he was bluffing!" and then laughed.  I told him I didn't find it funny and I thought it was unprofessional he was laughing about it. 

Every single time I had a question he had to place me on hold to ask someone else for 10-15 minutes at a time.  When I asked the second operator to go ahead and change the itinerary, he told me he wasn't able to get the same flight times and that the only thing he could find was one that departed at 7:30am and arrived in Montego Bay at 7:30pm.  At that point he began laughing and said I would be flying for 12 hours.  I became so frustrated that I told him to forget it and I would look up options at home.  When I hung up the phone, I was literally crying because of the frustration I had just experienced.

Other issues I had with him had to do with him reading me the wrong dates.  He would say one thing and then apologize and say he meant something else.  For example, he told me he was going to change the itinerary to leave on 5/29 and return on 6/2.  When I told him that I wanted to return on 6/3 and not 6/2 he said "oh sorry, that's what I meant to say...6/3". 

I placed my first call to Expedia at 4pm.  By the time I was done with this experience it was 6pm. 

This morning I called Expedia again and spoke to Melissa who was MUCH friendlier, professional and handled my problem in less than 5 minutes.  Not to mention the penalty was indeed $150/pp and NOT $200 as that person misquoted me.

I cannot believe this person is working in the CUSTOMER services department.  He was completely incompetent, condescending, unprofessional, and distasteful.  If it wasn't for my longstanding relationship with booking my vacation packages through Expedia I would have canceled my package and booked with another company.

 

i am going to send the travelocity gnome to give expedia a good thrashing.

along the same lines as when someone's face just bugs you for no apparent reason, it seems i get the same reaction to someone's voice.  let's call her huffalump.  huffalump's voice is the kind of voice that cuts through your eardrums and touches the same part of your brain that causes vomiting and murderous intentions.

huffalump's painful voice is not overly apparent which makes it that much more difficult to explain.  it's somewhat nasal-y, trailer park midwestern-ish, whiny, childlike, and semi-retarded.  throw in a couple of cackles slash giggles and you know why van gogh did that thing to his ear.





WARNING:  huffalump's voice will cause dizziness, extreme nausea, temporary blindness, and the desire to scratch at one's ears with scissors.

do you ever just get annoyed by someone simply because of their face?  cases in point...


sandra bull-wtf


minnie youdrivingmeugly


maggie gyllen-gross

maybe it's because some people find them attractive and maybe it's because i was bit by a malaria infested bug in my eye and i'm hopped up on steroids...but i don't "see" it...at all.

as if my salad wasn't bad enough i also got a freshly made yogurt as a snack.  i might as well have gotten a sack of horse balls for a snack because it's gross.  the yogurt is runny and slightly tart.  instead of fake peaches and strawberries, it has actual nuts, raisins and apples.  WTF.  tomorrow it's back to ronald mcclownattack for me.  now excuse me while i barf up a granola bar.

what's so great about salads?  every now and then i decide to give salad another chance.  but after the first bite of leaves, twigs, and assortment of grass i end up asking myself why i got a salad.  i wonder if people who say they like salads really like salads.  or have they just convinced themselves that since they are fat and must eat salads therefore they must like salads?  i don't know.  way too complicated for a monday afternoon.  anyway, my consensus is that salads are gross and boring.  they should make a salad with a grilled ground sirloin patty with some thinly sliced deep fried potatoes.  wouldn't that be the best salad ever?

oh yeah happy cinco de mayo.  ole.

this woman was on my train this morning.  i expected rod serling to get on at the next stop and say something creepy.

can someone tell me what exactly is so difficult about flushing a toilet?  WHAT!  PLEASE!  WHAT IS IT!  there are three stalls.  i walk into the first stall and see lovely shit remnants and skidmarks.  the door of the second stall is semi-closed in a precariously, foreboding manner.  of course, i open it and lo and behold -- a used tampon!  is it christmas?!?!  because if it isn't then it must be my fucking birthday.  luckily the third stall had no surprises.  maybe i should have vomited all over it just to filth it up a little.

but you know what would've been more scary to see in the third stall? 

this...

lady ninjitsu i am not.  sniff sniff.  today i quit karate.  i emailed my sensei and told him to take his obi and shove it.  just kidding.  i've been going for the past 8 months and lately i have just lost my interest.  the sparring has gotten pretty intense.  i was accidentally kicked in the eye a couple weeks ago and i think i just realized it's not something i want to do anymore.

i feel guilty because i hate quitting anything.  and i feel like i'm letting everyone there down because they are genuinely nice people who seemed to care about me.  OH WELL.  i'm still a badass ninjitsu.

OSU!

i love things that are bad for you.  alcohol.  cigarettes.  sleeping in make-up.  hookers.  and especially the new chicken biscuit breakfast sandwich at McDo's!  i am a sucker for hardening my arterial walls early in the morning.  it really gets me through the day.  but this new phenomenon is absolutely delicious.  it's the same biscuit they use in their mcmuffin sandwiches so nothing new there -- but the fried, breaded delectable little bird in the middle is divine.  i don't know where Ronald McScaryClownface gets his chickens from but those little pissers are juicy, tender and seasoned just right.  today i went a little wild and spread some ketchup all over it.  i didn't think it could get any better, but oh boy...it did.  rubble rubble.

at work we have this problem with LARGE COCKROACHES.  like waterbugs.  like the fucking ones you see on fear factor, in the amazon, and in the sewer.  last time i checked, i'm in neither of those places.  so i work with a bunch of girls (literally and figuratively) because no one likes to kill them.  we all put our hands up to the sides of our face and scream bloody murder.  i go the extra mile by standing on top of my chair/desk/anything with height.  but sometimes that doesn't work because twice we've spotted those fuckers on the actual ceiling and then at that point i unsuccessfully try to jump out the window.

so when one of the "men" feels brave enough to kill one of them he's usually too scared to pick it up.  so now the routine is:  see large cockroach.  find least scared man.  said man steps on roach 6-7 times while screaming like a girl.  said man puts plastic cup over large cockroach carcass.  someone calls building maintenance to come and remove half-dead large cockroach.

ISN'T THAT GREAT??????????

so this actually happened today.  and i hear some building maintenance guy walking around saying on his walkie-talkie:  Yeah so I guess I'll just lay some more glue traps around.

really?

glue traps?

because glue traps help get rid of large cockroaches the size of my annoyance.  unless these glue traps emit sonar waves that kill every cockroach in the building I really don't see how those are going to help.  way to go building.